Is it just me? Am I getting crotchety? I went on the Dentyne Ice site today and found advice there for women who feel they need help in attracting men, and vice versa. In the women's section, they offer "Backstory" which advises that if you tell a real story to a guy you just met it will no doubt fall flat. So instead, Dentyne says, what you need is a "backstory with a little cache' that breaks the ice and helps get his attention." What's more, they've put the really important stuff in bold type for you to "memorize so you'll be sounding like this really is your life in just a matter of minutes."
Are they nuts? Or am I? Are people seriously interested in meeting potential dates whose conversations are built on a totally phony premise? I heard from an expert on singles websites that people claim they want others to "love them for who they really are..." Isn't there a huge disconnect here? Hard to figure how backstories can work for people looking for more authenticity in their lives...
Author of I is for Intercourse: The ABC's of Conversation, Susan Bird is the visionary behind Wf360, and a sought-after speaker around the world for her views on leadership, the strategic importance of conversation, entrepreneurship, and the role of women business leaders.
Susan, do people really want somebody to love them for who they are or do they just want somebody, anybody? Maybe they're so disconnected they don't even know who they really are? Maybe if they find somebody, anybody, they won't have to spend enough time with themself to find out. There's something sad in not being able to abide your own company.
Linda
Posted by: Linda Zdanowicz | September 05, 2006 at 10:21 PM
Ooh, Linda, that's so, well...cynical. Perhaps you're right, but I prefer to believe that everyone does want, ultimately, to be valued for the person they really are. Stripped down to the essentials, don't we all find those relationships most valuable where we can "be ourselves" as opposed to posing as that person we assume others prefer? This Dentyne Ice initiative is based on cynicism, though, and confirms your fear, i.e. that one must assume the necessity to invent a persona in order to get noticed, much less loved. Not sure how this plays out in the working world. I have to think about that.
Posted by: wf360blogs | September 06, 2006 at 08:29 AM
Susan, let me explain my cynicism. Before I read your post yesterday, I spent quite some time listening to 2 single friends saying that they needed to find a man. For one of them, it really didn't matter where, she just needed to find one. She didn't even realize that she had just told me that she had no time for her young sons or home but she spends a lot of her free time trying to find a man. The other is more particular and she is beginning to enjoy her own company more but if she doesn't find a man, she won't feel her life is quite as worthwhile. I just see that as sad. Maybe it's easy for me to say that, I have a man. Now, I do think they both want to be loved and valued for who they are, but time's running out and they may just settle for just getting a man. That would be a shame, they're both great women. I just hope these 2 don't see that Dentyne ad.
Linda
Posted by: Linda Zdanowicz | September 06, 2006 at 10:21 PM
ARGH! You're right, there's a lot of that going on, I know. I'm interested in its repercussions in the world of work. That focus on "completing one's self" through finding a mate makes it difficult to be present to the challenges and opportunities in the workplace. It obviates the possibility of taking a leadership role by telegraphing the fact that one is not wholly present. Literally. It stamps one with the "employee" label.
Posted by: wf360blogs | September 07, 2006 at 07:48 AM