Does Yes Really Mean Yes?

Hi, I’m Eunjung Kim, from South Korea, doing a 2 month internship at Wf360. This is my first time in the US and I am learning new things about the American culture simply by living in NYC.  Within the few months I’ve been here, I’ve experienced and seen so much. It seems that this one city is full of different cultures and customs.  Before coming to the US, I’ve traveled to a few countries in Europe but nothing compares to this. Although there are some similarities between my country and the US, I’ve experienced several differences, some of which I would like to share in my blog.

The first difference I’ve noticed became apparent every time I wanted to take pictures, or I should say have pictures taken of me.  Pictures at Times Square, the Empire State Building, the HUGE Macys… any tourist attraction.  When I would ask someone- an American- to take my picture within this tourist area, I was shocked when I saw the result. For me, taking pictures is the memory to capture what I visited, not of my face… and I know most Koreans would agree with me.  After checking the picture that was taken, I realized it was only of my face without any of the NYC background.  This has happened to me too often for it to be a coincidence. I have come to the conclusion that Americans take pictures differently than Asians do… and now I catch myself asking Asians to take my picture.

Another difference that I am currently experiencing is, unfortunately, the way we communicate.  Who would have ever thought the words “yes” or “no” could lead to great confusion. Because I am not a native English speaker, there are times when I encounter miscommunication with my colleagues at Wf360. Most of the time, we are all able to understand each other without any problems, except when it comes to one thing: asking questions which require a “yes” or “no” answer. 

For example, Laura, my supervisor could ask,  “Didn't you finish the work?” My reply, “Yes, I didn’t finish it yet.” She would be waiting for my work when in actuality, I wasn’t finished. I thought I answered her correctly… sounds confusing, right?

In Korea, if someone asks a negative sentence, we answer with “yes, I don’t”, but In America, if someone asks a negative sentence, they answer “no, I don’t”.

Why is it so different for Asians and Americans?  In Asia, when someone asks “Don’t you like apples?” I would answer “yes” even if I hated them because it is the polite thing to say. I assume that “yes” is the correct answer for the person asking this question, not for myself.  On the contrary, in English one would say “no” because Americans supposedly say how the actual individual feels.

To satisfy my curiosity, I did some research and here is what I found: In Western cultures, one sees oneself from the individual stand point. But Asians see themselves from the other person’s perspective. Because of these different viewpoints, the confusion is caused during conversation.  My understanding is that most Americans view the world as a composition of separate entities, but most Asians view the world as a whole. Therefore, Americans emphasize the subject, while most Asians emphasize the interaction of the situation.

You may imagine it is difficult for me, one who has been thinking and talking in the “Asian” way for over 2 decades and trying to adapt to the culture here.  It’s actually very interesting and creates additional conversations with my colleagues and friends.  I am always learning to simply enjoy and understand differences between all.

 

Hey, my conversations are never boring!

Comments

[Beth Robinson]

Eunjung, I had heard about the yes/no differences from the Western point of view before but not through Asian eyes. Did you have emotional reactions about American rudeness when they would say no to something like "don't you like apples"? Thank you for sharing.

[Wf360]

Thank you for your comment. Surprisingly when I hear "no" from others I don't feel the rudeness but I sure am confused. I have to take extra time to think about what they are actually saying.

[Erik]

I'm not sure I would lump this in as an "Asian" thing. I would argue the the "yes/no" thing is really just isolated to Korea and Japan, I have not seen/heard it elsewhere, would be curious if others agree. Took me several years to get comfortable with the polite "yes" since as an American I am used to immediate answers.

[Wf360]

What an interesting thought. Frankly, I don't know myself but let me ask a good friend who is from China and see if she comes up with anything. Thanks!
-Eunjung