Bird's Eye View

What's Missing In Your Life?

I heard a comment the other day that is still rolling around in my head.  It was Galen Gingrich, here in New York, who talked of the importance of being “what’s missing.”  He told of the importance of looking around, seeing what’s needed, and then doing that thing.

I’ve been struck by how apt a strategy that is for business; figure out what’s not being done and do that, rather than compete with others already engaged in producing or providing goods or services that render you—should you opt to copy them—an also ran.

If you look at your industry, your profession, your business, what’s not being provided, what need is not being met?

Galen suggests that’s the place to focus.

Could “What’s missing” be the focal point of a conversation with your work colleagues?

  

What's missing?

Polite communication

Hi, I am Joeun, doing an internship at Wf360 here in NYC. I am Korean, born and raised, but have lived in France for the past nine years. As you can probably imagine, I have experienced many different cultural habits and customs and have a fused point of view of many things. One which I would like to share is the level of politeness in the 3 countries I have lived in and how it affected my daily life. 

Korea is the country I have lived in that focuses the most on respect and politeness. It’s a little too much if you ask me and I had been really done with all the formal politeness. I’m not talking about the fact that everyone is born with the knowledge to respect their elders but about the idea of how one speaks to another. In Korea, the use of language to show respect is commonly used. For example, there are several ways to talk to someone: from a very formal way with respect to a more casual way that you would use to talk with your friends. 

It is also very common to be asked your age at the first encounter as this determines the terms of respect between you and the other person. It is nice to show your respect but for me, I think it is odd in certain circumstances. Normally you would speak politely to someone who is older but if you enter a university or a company and are older than your superiors or even co-workers, you are supposed to use the polite version with honorific expressions. Personally, I think it would be easier to communicate more casually with each other but of course, showing some politeness to your peers. 

When I was in France, I found that the French were strongly attached to politeness expressed in their written language. This is because they are very bureaucratic with conservative cultural values and their language fits well with this. For example, you have to write a letter for everything (like canceling your cell phone service) with standardized manners which sound so fake. Although it may be strange, I still enjoy their flowery and overly-ornate language. In terms of spoken language, they are not as formal as they are in Korea and they don’t ask your age in the very beginning. This is more normal to me. 

Now that I am experiencing life in the US, I often face this general free style of communication. The friendly American way can be considered rude especially compared to the other countries I have lived in but for me, it is good to be simple and more natural. Here, I am trying to appreciate the random conversations with a stranger, not having to ask for someone’s age and not seeing this flowery written language everywhere. Nevertheless, although I enjoy the more casual conversations in this country, I am still adjusting myself to the American food service manners. As a previous international intern has mentioned, servers are not always polite and sometimes eager to rush you out of your dinner. I miss the European service where meals are meant to last for hours with polite service and staffs.

Living in different countries and experiencing these cultures teaches you a great deal of how people communicate differently. It makes you think about these differences and the balance needed, which isn’t always easy to get. I believe that even though you prefer one culture’s customs over another, you should try to fit yourself to the culture you are currently living in.

What's New With You?

It’s almost officially summer, 2009. How will this be different from all other summers thus far? How can you make sure that when September comes around, you can say with satisfaction: this was the best summer of my life!

Here are some suggestions to get you started:

• Decide on 6 books you want to read. No matter how busy you are, you can always find time for a book. Steal time from your time spent online if you have to.  Maybe wake up ½ hour early this summer. Get a book from your local library if you don’t want to buy them. Get out your calendar to “assign” them to yourself, for example “Book 1” from June 1 – June 15, etc. Bonus suggestion: get one or more friends to join you so that you can talk about the book online or off.

• Select a neighbor - maybe one you don’t even know – and commit to having 4 conversations with that person this summer. If you pass a neighbor on the street, invite him/her for coffee? Learn enough about him/her that by the end of the summer you know enough to introduce him/her to others.

• Do a similar thing at work. Select someone whose work you admire or are simply curious about and ask for a coffee. Maybe do that with a different person each summer month.

• Call a relative you’d like to know more about – preferably someone outside your hometown and see how things are going.  Keep the conversation going by e-mail if it looks promising.

• If you won’t be able to vacation this summer, take one weekend each summer month (put on your calendar now) that you will spend doing something out of the ordinary. Visit a museum, invite people you rarely entertain to your place for a burger in the backyard, listen to music you know little about, clean your closet. Whatever it is, celebrate it in some way on Sunday evening of that weekend, maybe with a glass of wine.

• Give one thing away every week. Whether a handkerchief or a sofa, divest yourself of something and don’t replace it. See what new space opens up in your life because it’s gone.

Have a great summer!

Memorial Day Musings

If you're a regular reader of the Bird's Eye View, you may recall my post of several days ago in which I decry the loss of letter writing, a victim of our technological age.  My handwringing was only exacerbated-- for a while--over this past Memorial Day weekend.

The New York Times ran a story of the discovery made recently in the family garage by a woman named Mary Owen, the 52 year old daughter of the late Donna Reed, beloved film and television star.  Owen discovered an old trunk that contained a stash of several hundred letters that had been written to her mother, the Iowa-farm-girl-turned-Hollywood-darling, during the Second World War.  Reed had apparently never mentioned the letters to anyone.

WWII Pinup Queen Donna Reed

The letters are poignant, heart-rending for many reasons, not the least of which is that nearly all the writers--then young GI's and sailors--are now dead, either as war casualties or simply old age.  Some contain photographs, drawings, cartoons, and all of them are written by young men eager to connect to a flesh and blood female.  In the words of one young man writing from the Aleutian Islands in July of 1944, "It has been a long time since any of us boys have seen a woman, so we are writing to you in hopes that you'll help us out of our situation."

One of those GI's who is still alive, an 84 year old now living in California, tells of beginning his correspondence with Donna Reed after meeting her at a morale-booster event at which she appeared and he was lucky enough to engage her in conversation.  "She seemed like the girl next door," he said.  And apparently she had that appeal to many of America's young from far flung farms and small towns across America who found themselves scared and lonely in places around the world they had never heard of until they got there. 

How sad, I thought, as I read the article, to think that such letter writing is gone forever.

GI Fan Letter to Donna Reed

Not so fast.  That same New York Times includes an op-ed by the wife of a soldier involved in today's conflicts, deployed now (for the third time) to Iraq.  I suggest you read Melissa Seligman's piece for yourself for several reasons: she's a good writer, her story is a moving account of what it's like to be the stay-at-home spouse when a loved one is far away in today's war, and most importantly in terms of this blog post, because she puts the lie to my sob-sister story about the loss of letter writing. Here's the link.

Let me include here an especially relevant part of her piece. She talks of how difficult it was when her husband and she relied on email and webcam conversations.  She talks of calls that would take place in the middle of the night (for one of them) and sometimes end in tears.  Her two year old daughter would plead to see her daddy on the computer and when he would finally appear on the screen, she would walk away."  Sounds like two year olds I know.

"'She's just tired, I'd say,'" Melissa writes. "He'd look down, hiding his emotions.  I tried to hide mine as well.  I wanted to be delighted to drpp everything when the instant messenger paged me, when he gave up badly needed sleep to be with us.  But sometimes I couldn't help being annoyed at the interference.  I needed unbroken routines in order to be both a mother and father to my children.  At times, I wished he wouldn't call."

Here's what I especially love in this piece...

 "And then we found salvation in letters.  I had always kept a diary, but growing frustrated with my inability to really connect with David through the Webcam and on the phone, I started sending him long letters from my journal.  Before long, I was picking out stationery to match my moods and searching for the perfect pen to carry my thoughts.  David responded with enthusiasm.

Writing allowed us to regain control of our marriage.  On paper, our memories came to life.  Through letters we could share our concerns without worrying that we'd be misinterpreted.

As I read David's words, I smelled his cologne, I heard him whistle while I cooked, I felt his hand on the small of my back.  Amelia would stuff her daddy's letters into her pockets and take them with her to the playground.  At night, she would beg me to read the letters again.  Over and over until she felt content enough to sleep.

...We poured our hearts into the letters, and there were no time delays in the way, no fears that an argument would be unfinished when the satellite dropped."

 

The Ultimate Written Communication

Here's Seligman's ultimate message, music to the ears of a letter writing enthusiast:  "I know I'm not the first military spouse who has struggled to communicate with a loved one on deployment--and I know I won't be the last.  For those who came before me, the burden to overcome was communicating without technology--waiting months for letters to arrive.  For me and those still to come, it's learning to communicate despite technology."

I'm delighted to be proven wrong in my pronouncement of several days ago.  Now it reminds me of Twain's famous comment: "The news of my death has been greatly exaggerated..." 

Let's hope that Melissa's husband, David, is saving her letters and that her children and their children will savor them as they read them again and again over the years.  It would be a shame if they were lost forever, or only found decades later in a trunk in the garage. 

What Will You Talk About This Weekend?

As I jogged this morning in Central Park I heard snatches of conversations about where people planned to spend their weekend (for you non-New Yorkers, there is feverish interest in long weekends outside Manhattan.  No matter how much people love living in the Big Apple, they can't wait to spend time--especially if the weather is nice--somewhere else.  It goes with the New Yorker territory.  So if you don't have a place to go on the weekends, you talk about how much fun it is to take advantage of the City when everyone else is gone...).

It made me think of Memorial Day weekend and what that means.  Memorial Day is the day officially set aside to observe the remembrance of men and women who have died in the service of this Nation, particularly in combat. Originally called Decoration Day (I'm still uncertain what that means...decoration as in "decorated veteran...referring to medals on their jacket?...or decoration of graves of fallen?), this day was officially designated as an American holiday enacted to honor those who died in the US Civil War, and later expanded to include American casualties of any war or military action.

Is there someone in your family who should be celebrated and honored this weekend?  What about at your work?  Are there former employees who lost their lives while serving in military service?  If so, does anyone say anything about that at your place of work?  Should there be a conversation about what that means for your company and its legacy?

I am always impressed when I walk into a building that has plaques, statues and the like, honoring those employees or alumni who worked or attended school or lived in that particular building.  At my high school there was such a plaque, and there was one at the first company at which I worked.  Whether or not your company has such a permanent commemoration of its veterans, it would be interesting to conduct a conversation among your colleagues about the service of those who were once members of that community.  Seems to me it could a source of pride for such a discussion to take place.  For one thing, it underscores the fact that as much as we are engaged in our work (or studies) and feel that is central to our lives, there are matters outside our circles that command our attention and should not be forgotten.  Such remembrance makes us focus on what's really important, including our national heritage.

Another interesting facet around Memorial Day:  I've heard many people say they know no one who has served in the military.  But once forced to think about it, it turns out there is that Uncle, that neighbor down the street, that classmate...all of whom served our Nation and have perhaps been forgotten.  Let's remember them all this weekend.

Guest Blog: An appetite for global experience

Hi, my name is Matthew. I’m a German from Nuremberg in the south of Germany and now I am doing an internship at Wf360.com, a marketing and consulting company in New York City. This is the first time for me in New York and from my point of view the City is really overwhelming and exciting. By the way, although this is indeed my first internship in the USA, it is not my first internship abroad. I already did an internship in Shenzhen, China, at Motouch Technology Co. Ltd., an IR-Touchscreen company. So I think it is really interesting to compare these two internships as well as the countries themselves.

On the one hand there are the two cities, New York and Shenzhen, with completely different lifestyles and on the other hand there is the difference at work during these two internships. For me it is really amazing to compare these two experiences and share these ideas with you because I think it is a good way to encourage other people to make their own experiences in a foreign country because this is very useful for your life. I have met many people in New York City as I did in Shenzhen but nevertheless there is a big difference between the people in these two cultures. Of Course, both of them are very friendly and helpful, but there is one thing that is absolutely different: the influence of the government on the citizens. This point is not a problem in America because the citizens are absolutely free and they can do whatever they want, whenever and wherever. In Shenzhen however, I met a lot of people who disagree with the strong attitude of their government but do not want to publicize their opinion because they are afraid if their anti-government attitude would lead to punishment of some kind from the government. I really hope that no one misunderstand my writing here because I love Shenzhen, China and the people who are living there but in my point of view the absence of freedom of opinion in China is still difficult compared to America or Germany.

When you are in China you have to adapt, otherwise you can get in trouble in some cases. Nevertheless, the Chinese people are very friendly and of course we all know, that the culture is very different between the western and the far-eastern part of the world but there are also a lot of things in common. I will tell you more about that in a few days.

In addition to this I have to mention the different style of food. American food taste is familiar to me because in Germany there is almost the same style and taste. But Chinese food is absolutely different. Let me explain what I mean: One time in Shenzhen I went to a so called “Hot Pot” Restaurant. This style of eating was very new for me because there is only a hot pot filled with water in the middle of the table and then you can order what ever you want, for example still alive but numbed shrimps are very popular. You order them and then you put them into the hot pot and after a few minutes they are ready to eat. You can eat them with different types of sauces and vegetables. The way I see it there is no possibility to eat them more fresh, and to tell you the truth, the different taste of food in China is sometimes spicy but also very delicious.

The interesting point is that “China-town” in New York is in my point of view almost a one to one copy of some parts of China. This is amazing and demonstrates again that New York is a very multicultural World City. I also want to recommend a good Restaurant in New York called “Hooters”. There you can get very delicious typical American food served from nice girls in short skirts, delicious. The last I want to mention is that I can recommend everyone to do an internship abroad because you will never forget the experience and the lovely people you will meet there. 

Desktop as Stationery

This morning I met with my friend Al Chase, a truly remarkable man who leads a group called White Rhino Partners, an executive search firm that focuses on finding leaders for positions that call for special skill sets including the ability to motivate a work force, to achieve consensus under duress, to be able to function optimally even in serious business-threatening situations (like this economic crisis, for example).  He's not dealing in management; his playing field is all about leadership.

In our conversation, I was decrying the loss of letters.  Specifically the kind of letters that were so revelatory and inspiring they used to be compiled into books.  I was a fanatic for years, devouring every "Letters of.....[fill in the name]" I could get my hands on.  Letters of F. Scott Fitzgerald; Letters of Henry Adams; Letters of Jennie Churchill.  You name the book of letters, I'm likely to have read it (assuming it is written in English).  I especially liked those that chronicled an on-going conversation that took place over a long period, all on stationery, all posted through the mail, allowing the recipient time to reflect and compose a heartfelt answer.

How sad, I said, that people don't write that way anymore.  We all dash off emails with little forethought, knowing they will be erased.  No one purposely keeps the notes others write them, at least not for long unless they have business or commercial importance.

Wrong, says Al.  He says I'm years behind in what has evolved since letter writing gave way to slap-dash email correspondence.  As he pointed out, the internet is the stationery of the young.  So consider this: the people who abandoned letter writing on stationery and adopted the web for their correspondence are people who were brought up on stationery.  Once the internet was introduced, they gave up letter writing and all that goes with it, in terms of reflection, attention to phrasing, unspoken understanding that the recipient of the letter may read it more than once and put it away for re-reading yet again, then for safekeeping.

On the other hand, posits Al, young people who "never knew stationery" think of the internet as their writing tablet.  So if they have something important to say, they are likely to employ the web as their elders would treat stationery: the place to consider carefully their word choice, revise sentences to get just the right tone, consider their comments as potentially being kept for posterity. 

Al underscored his declaration by reading two letters aloud to me--both emails--from two different young men who wrote him letters over the past few weeks.  Each letter was moving, inspiring, intellectually provocative.  Both made the case that serious communications--not unlike old fashioned letter writing on stationery--is taking place on the web. 

I confess I haven't gotten email letters like those he read to me.  Perhaps I have work to do in inviting such important web-based conversation.  It's clear that both the emails Al read to me were written in response to a note he had sent each young man.  So maybe that's key here.  One gets as one gives.

Excuse me while I sit down and write a good letter...to send by email.

Overhead On The Run

On my jog in Central Park this morning, I overheard the following exchange between two thirty-something men running in the other direction:

"Man #1: Ya know, I never had anyone...my whole life...who pushed me.

Man #2: What about pushing yourself?"

Doesn't this just about sum up the difference between those who wait for inspiration from others, expect a push to get started, look outside themselves for suggestions of what to do, need a good reason to go to work...and those who inspire themselves, figure out what needs to be done and then, as Nike says, just do it?

On which side of this conversation can you usually be found?

Talk About New York

Every once in a while I'm reminded of just how fabulous New York is and of how privileged I am to call this polyglot urban--sometimes chaotic--culture clash my home.  There is something about walking down any street as I did today (and New York is, among other things, a city of walkers) and hearing myriad languages spoken that thrills me anew about living day to day in this ever-evolving human experiment in community building. 

Today is special because I was smart enough to heed the urging of Carol Hymowitz, Editor in Chief of the new Forbes magazine called ForbesWoman, to go see the Picasso show at the Gagosian Gallery on west 21st street in Chelsea.

Gagosian has gathered over 100 amazing works of late Picasso together and the show is a once-in a lifetime experience.  I used to think Picasso's late period was a yawn.  I was wrong.  These pieces are each thrilling, immediate, emotional and highly physical.  And the show is free...no big text explanations, no catalog, no accoustiguides.  Nothing stands between you and these works.  Nothing else is needed.

Amazing.  Thrilling.  Free.  Ah, New York. 

As I read this comment, I ask, "OK, fine, but what has this got to do with business conversation?"  Consider this question: What does your company, whether large or small, have in its archives that could be organized in such a way as to create discussion about its history, where it is going, who has worked there and who is there now?  If your company is brand new, perhaps it's a matter of gathering together something about each of you on the team, including artifacts important to each of you that others don't know about.  Think of what a terrific bonding experience that could be.  And, perhaps, inspiration about how you can work together even more effectively.  And if your company is large and has been around for a while, there are probably people responsible for this kind of thing, but I suggest you ignore that and think of your own group.  What have you created together that deserves celebration and reflection?  Think of it as your group's "retrospective."  I guarantee it will jumpstart scintillating conversation.

The Power of Lists

I guess I always understood this, but it struck me more soundly recently that one way to garner attention to yourself and/or your business, is to create a list that other people decide is important to them.  For years, we're told, the New York "Four Hundred" was a semi-secret list, conceived and periodically updated by the original Mrs. Astor and her social confidant Ward McAllister.  The number 400 was selected because that was the total number of people Mrs. Astor could fit into the gilded ballroom in her New York mansion.  This list--for years--determined arbitrarily who was "in" and who was "out" of high New York society. The audacity of it all is pretty astounding.  But once some people paid attention to the list and gave it credence, others ignored it at their social peril. 

 

I remember in an earlier business of mine a PR professional told me to "make up a list" of something that could be picked up by media and then circulated, getting more press and, ultimately, customer attention.  I never did it, feeling it was all somehow too contrived.  Well, a competitor of mine did make up such a list (having talked to the same PR professional and taken it much more seriously) and that list for years was discussed openly as important intelligence on the marketplace in which we worked.

Today I received an email from someone telling me "Congratulations!"  It announced that this blog, my very own Bird's Eye View (which is officially entitled "Smart Talk on Conversation" ) has been selected (by whom, one may ask) as one of the "100 Awesome Business Blogs that are Better than an MBA."  Wow!  I love the flattery.  Turns out the list has been compiled on a blog officially entitled "Construction Management Degree: Guide to online construction management schools and degrees." It's informally entitled "The Fixer-Upper Blog." 

OK, I'll take it.  And I wonder how many others on the list of 100 will comment about the list on their blogs today as well.  So, the Construction Management people have done what they intended, namely bring some attention to their site.

So maybe this time I'll pay more attention and think of my own list to compile to bring attention to Wf360. 

What about you and your business?  Should you publish a list?  Would it get people talking?