From global dialogues engaging thousands, to tete-a tetes, to everything in between, I’ve got the greatest gig in the world: I get paid to engage the world’s greatest business and thought leaders in conversation. Significant conversation. I do a lot of other stuff, too, but basically I’m obsessed with conversation.
I’ve been asked to share my views on the power of conversation—especially as it’s exemplified in word of mouth marketing techniques. My preference is the gold standard of conversation” the kind of face to face, one-on-one dialogue that’s getting increasingly rare.
If you think about it, face to face conversation is the new luxury.
It’s so easy to “communicate” through technology-assisted means that some of us have trouble remembering the last truly fascinating, life-changing conversation we’ve had.
So there’s something a bit weird about my writing a blog about the most memorable conversations I’ve had. But I’m doing it to stir your appetite for significant conversation. We’ll share some of the remarkable conversations I’ve been privileged to have with people all over the world. Some are extraordinary leaders in business and public life; others just ordinary folks with extraordinary things to say. And I’ll throw in some conversational tips along the way, as well as comments from other people on the subject of talk, conversation…even just plain gab.
Whichever way you like it, I hope you’ll find inspiration here to go off and have a scintillating conversation of your own.
I’ll give you recommendations for initiating meaningful conversation as well as for places and activities that are worth talking about. Let me know what you find especially provocative or fascinating or enlightening or all the above. And, of course, tell me if any of this is wrong-headed, stupid, arbitrary or, worst of all, boring.
Thanksgiving was especially interesting for me this year, considering that I was in Hong Kong for the celebration. Since Thanksgiving as we know it in America is strictly a USA phenomenon, you normally have to improvise when out of the country if you want a baked turkey with all the trimmings, including cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and all the rest.
Well, our Hong Kong hosts went all out with not one but two turkey dinners, one at a friend's, the other at their flat in Hong Kong. Perhaps it's because we were so far from home that everything tasted even more delicious than usual. It was unexpected in Hong Kong and perhaps that made it exotic and exciting.
I got to thinking on the plane ride home yesterday about the phrase "talking turkey". We know it refers to speaking plainly, frankly. When you talk turkey, especially in business, you get to the point quickly, indicating you are ready to make a deal. I am curious, though, as to the origin of the phrase. Is it particularly American? Does it harken back to the pilgrims and their conversations with the American Indians about the menu for the celebration that has become Thanksgiving dinner?
Despite my efforts on the web, I could find little explanation of the phrase's origin. This one might amuse you, though, from answers.com. It says the expression "allegedly comes from a tale about an Indian and a white man who hunted together and divided the game. When the white man said, "I'll take the turkey and you the buzzard, or you take the buzzard and I the turkey," the Indian replied, "Talk turkey to me." Whether or not this tale had a true basis, the term was recorded in its present meaning by about 1840."
Don't know about you, but I find this explanation lame. Just how an exchange of such little import could result in a phrase in common usage nearly two centuries later escapes me. What do you think? And don't mince words...let's talk turkey.
I had lunch yesterday with Michelle Garnaut in Hong Kong. We ate at her Hong Kong restaurant called M at the Fringe, a landmark eatery in a landmark building. The restaurant closes December 31, a casualty of the screamingly escalating real estate values in Hong Kong, which leads to buildings like the one that houses the Fringe to be sacrificed for higher rent per square inch opportunities.
But M at the Fringe had a good run—twenty years –and Michelle will be up and running in a new Hong Kong location in no time.
Meanwhile, her M on the Bund, in Shanghai, a long run hit among the Shanghai cognoscenti for more than a decade, and her brand new Capital M, right on Tienanmen Square in Beijing, are clicking along successfully.
What makes Michelle—a transplanted Aussie—such a success as a restauranteur? Basically, she sees herself not so much in the food business, as the conversation business. What makes dining experiences memorable—besides great food—is the great conversation that takes place over the dinner table. And Michelle knows how to facilitate that. In fact her M on the Bund is as much a salon as a restaurant. It’s where great musicians, poets, authors--you name it, all people at the top of their game, especially in the arts world—are welcomed and celebrated. In fact, Michelle creates programs around them, so on a given Sunday you may hear from a poet or be treated to a chamber music concert.
It’s all about the conversation. And at Michelle’s places, they talk about more than the food.
My name is Nora and I’m an intern at Wf360. I come from a French-speaking city in Switzerland called Geneva. I have been in New York for 8 weeks and I still am amazed about everything I experience.
Since I’ve been in NYC I have been to the movie theater 3 times and watched 3 different genres of movies. Even so, I was surprised to see that the moviegoers reacted very similarly every single time during the movie… something I’m not used to in Geneva.
First, almost everyone is eating popcorn or candy witch makes a lot of noise. In Geneva, only a few people eat during the movie and they try to make as little noise as possible. In NYC, if you make noise when you eat your food no one seems to care, while in Geneva people would stare at you because it is very rude and disturbing to everyone else in the theater.
Second, people here react very loudly during the movie. For example, when something funny happens in the movie, everyone is laughing loudly or when a handsome actor or actress appears on the screen, people scream and clap their hands. But what shocked me the most is that some people are making their own comments during the movie. Last Sunday I saw the Twilight saga: “New Moon” with the very famous Robert Pattinson. At the end of the movie he asks the main character to marry him. Then suddenly, a girl in front of me (who apparently is a huge Robert Pattinson fan) stood up and screamed, “This can’t be happening!” Directly after that, the entire room was filled with laughter and everyone was talking about the incident. Nobody seemed appalled at what just happened with the girl in front of me.
In Switzerland no one would ever talk during the movie and wouldn’t dare to scream something loud enough for others to hear. We are more afraid about what others would think about us if we were loud. And for sure everyone would be very shocked if something like that happened. I am not too familiar with the rules of respect here in NYC or the US but in Switzerland, we learn that we have to be respectful during a movie and should never disturb the other spectators.
With all that said, I think the American theater going experience is growing on me. I think that it is fun to hear people laughing out loud, clapping their hands and reacting strongly to everything that happens during the movie. It makes you feel you are part of it and that you are sharing an experience with the whole room. In Switzerland, you feel like you are watching the movie alone even if the room is full.
Even if at first I was very surprised, during all the movies I saw in New York, I loved to listen to the reactions, eating my popcorn without being scared of disturbing someone and freely laughing out loud if the movie is funny.
I’ve learned to realize that I like it more when people react to the movie because it makes it more entertaining. Until the movies in NY, I’ve never felt like I was communicating with the entire audience and bonding over a simple movie. Maybe I can bring this back to my friends in Switzerland.
I'm on my way to one of favorite cities. Actually, it's a 3-way tie for me between New York (nothing like walking into Grand Central and feeling the sheer activity of the Big Apple) and Paris (no more beautiful city on earth and no other place where every conversation you overhear sounds beautiful due to the sheer poetic melodic flow of the language and Hong Kong ( towering homage to commerce in the midst of Asian sense of intrigue).
I loved HK the first time I was there 15 years ago and my affection has not been dampened even through the Turnover from the Brits to Chinese rule and through the endless building (although my ardor has been put to a bit of a test by the takeover of more and more of the harbor for commercial use).
Love the overheard conversations. It's not a beautiful language like French. It's a fast moving, clipped talk that sounds like life is moving fast and not a minute can be wasted.
I plan not to fritter any of it away this week. Ready for anything. Did an all-nighter last night to adapt to the Hong Kong time zone before departing New York..painful, but it's the answer to the jet lag dilemma. I swear. A bit of Ambien in a few minutes and I'll be on Hong Kong tome before we take off.
If you want to initiate a controversial conversation, try this and watch the sparks fly. This is highly serious business and it is loaded with emotional response so be fore-warned.
At the 360 Summit, held at the New York Stock Exchange here in New York City, several highly respected senior executives posed a "What if...?" to their fellow attendees. Of question was deeply reflective of issues that leaders everywhere are concerned about.
Among the most provocative was that posed by Laurie Coots, global Chief Marketing Officer of the media company TBWA\Chiat\Day. Laurie teed up her questions as follows:
"For the first time in history, there are more people in the world who are overweight or obese than there are people who are underfed.
Globally, a twelve year old today is predicted to have a shorter life expectancy than his/her parents had, due to the co-morbidity of obesity related illnesses.
Japan's insurance companies are devising rate and actuarial tables based on waist size.
34% of adult Americans fit the definition of “obese." And in the United States, obesity has now passed smoking as the number one preventable cause of premature death.
Health care spending on the overweight and obese is 36% higher than for others. And those health care costs are now higher than health care spent on smoking or problem drinking. In the United States $120 billion a year goes into the cost of obesity.
So in world in which businesses will be picking up the tab for an overhauled health care system... And in a world in which we know that fat = higher health care costs...
What if…we had a policy to not hire fat people. Would this be illegal discrimination or responsible business?"
As you can imagine, the audience went crazy over this question. Each table of ten executives engaged quickly and loudly in debate over the issue. Everyone had a strong opinion. For certain, Laurie's posing of this question provoked awareness of just how important this issue is and just how loaded it is emotionally, which is a caution for corporate executives who feel they must consider how best to deal with the escalating costs of health care and other issues related to obese members of their workforce.
What do you think? Perhaps this is a question you should raise in your own company.
The year 2009 is fast coming to a close and that appears to be good news to some people I've talked with lately. "Good riddance...it's been a tough year and we need a fresh start" is a comment made recently by a friend at a business lunch and heads around the table nodded in agreement.
Perhaps it's fitting, then, that in this somewhat negative view of the year the New Oxford American Dictionary chose as its word of the year 2009 "unfriend," a verb that describes the act of removing someone from one's friends on a social network like Facebook. It's a negative act ("You're OUT!") that reeks of rejection, dismissal, public indication of unpopularity.
It's certainly an acknowledgment of the ubiquity of Facebook, now over 300 million members strong, around the world. So I suppose if you're unfriended by one person, there is hope that another will find you worthy of on-line friendship.
At least one commentator--Adrian Chen at Gawker--says the selection of unfriend as word of the year is no more than a "marketing ploy" by the New Oxford American Dictionary. But Christine Lindberg, Senior Lexicographer at Oxford and spokesperson for the Word of the Year selection says unfriend was selected because of its current popularity as well its potential for longevity. Hmmm. Does that mean that both Facebook and unfriending are here to stay? Hard to imagine--with that kind of membership--a world without Facebook, but who knows what the future will bring?
I'm hoping that 2010 will bring many things, among them a sense of authentic connection rather than superficial "pretend you know me" connection and, worse, disconnection. If unfriending is way of reducing the numbers of people one has collected, willy-nilly, without a real sense of relationship, than perhaps this kind of housecleaning is in order. If, however, it is more about personal popularity contests, dependent on the whim of the moment, count me out. Never liked that kind of "who is in and who is out" mentality in high school and don't see it as valuable now.
I spent last weekend with some amazing folks in Cambridge, Mass at "Intersection 2.0," a two-day gathering dreamed up by Al Chase, a remarkable man who is an executive recruiter at the executive level with a special interest in the military. Al (also known as "The White Rhino") has been helpful in making the match between military leaders of all ranks with civilian career opportunities that leverage their talents and experience.
But this doesn't begin to describe Al appropriately. He is a man of diverse talents and interests. The over-used term Renaissance Man is aptly applied in Al's case.
Among Al's loves is musical theatre (both as a performer and student of the genre), and his Intersection program is where his musical interests and leadership skill intersect in an interesting way. At Intersection 2.0, Al gathered a number of people known for their leadership acumen and provoked dialogue between and among them and with the program attendees, who varied in age from 15 years to 60's +. Throughout the two days, he had a group of talented young musical theatre students (from Berklee College of Music in Boston) perform pieces from Les Miserables. The theme of Intersection 2.0 was "The Heart of the Leader" and Al ingeniously wove lessons from the musical pieces through the dialogue that followed each of them. Masterful.
Attendees represented a variety of backgrounds from young artists to actors to investment bankers to sales types to military personnel of all ranks. The small group dialogues were transformative: young artists learned a great deal from the military people and vice versa. We all were inspired by Scott Smiley, an Army officer who was a West Point phenom, then blinded by an explosion in Iraq as he led his troops there. After a tough rehab process, he is now a professor at West Point teaching leadership to plebes. And I can understand why they fight to get into his class. He is an inspiration on many levels: disciplined intellectually, grateful for every day's gifts including life itself, exacting in his requirement that people work to their utmost to be excellent.
His underlying message concerned the need to ask others for help, and to be willing to accept it, even if unsolicited. His wife, Tiffany Smiley,is engaging as well. She is a great example of a one who has, in Al's words "endured the crushing hammer of adversity and emerged triumphant."
Lots of takeaways from the weekend. Close to the top is the need to seek out opinions from people who think differently--perhaps widely differently--than I do. Especially young people. What they lacked in experience they more than made up for in enthusiasm, passion for changing the world, curiosity in all things.
Look nearly unanimous. Of our guest blog posts, we have one I consider negative. The rest are all over the top. I've decided it's a good thing to include a post that is negative. Why? It confirms that these guest bloggers really are free to write whatever they like; I don't censor their comments. So seems to me it renders the positive ones all the more so...since the readers can be pretty certain they spoke their views candidly.
We're still analyzing why the evening worked so well. It's clear it was a combination of things. First of all, when people arrived at the Exchange, before going out on the trading floor, they were handed cards with "What if...?" questions printed on them. Each was a "What if...?" posed by a guest coming to the event that evening. We also gave 30 of the guests a sneak preview of one of the great gifts in their goodie bag, delivered to everyone at the evening's completion: Ameriprise gave everyone a super RCA "Small Wonder" video cam and we selected 30 people to receive their's at the start of the evening, with the request that they use them throughout the evening to record whatever they felt like filming. (At the end of the evening, we collected them and the content is now being edited by our friends at TBWA, one of Wf360's sponsors. When we have the finished edited product, we'll share it with everyone.)
So there was buzz and interaction from the moment guests arrived. And, of course, once upstairs at their dinner table, we engaged them in the "What ifs...?" posed by guests who were there and by some who spoke to us on video. They were all provocative, meaty questions on which everyone thee had opinions. Heart-felt and in some cases noisy, opinions. Just what we wanted.
They exchanged views, hashed things out and, in some cases, made plans to meet again after the 360 Summit to continue their conversation.
So it was a successful evening. Our sponsors are happy, NYSE Euronext tells us they loved it, and we're still getting accolades from attendees. Here's a sampling of unsolicited comments:
“I have attended many corporate type dinners, but none have been as engaging as your event. The people were all interesting and engaging.” -Dale B. Bernstein, NYSE Euronext
“Thank you for an AMAZING evening. I have told lots of friends about the "What if"s" and they thought it was a very cool and provocative idea.” -Sharon Mosse, Stage Stores Inc.
“360 Summit is a first class event...I met a billion people...” -Stephanie Whittier, Morgan Stanley
“Wow, you really know how to create an event and generate a lot of good conversations. Maestro! That was fantastic!” -Maggie Wilderotter, Frontier Communications and Board Director, Xerox, Yahoo, and P&G
“Thanks for including me, and for the opportunity to shoot some video. That was a great idea….I look forward to seeing the results.” -Gay Warren Gaddis, T 3
“...You were right about contacts after the event. I have heard from two people, one at my table...and I've been asked to contact another guest at the table. Very well done. ” -Ellen Hancock, Board Director, Aetna and Colgate-Palmolive
“Thanks for including me in what can only be described as a "Simply Fabulous" event. The evening was well organized and packed full of interesting people who I would not have ever met any other way.” -Janet Clarke, Board Director Asbury Automotive Group and ExpressJet Holdings Inc.
“I had numerous conversations with some really cool people....and you’ll be glad to know that we are continuing the conversation even after the event.” -Alex Vazquez, Cenveo
“As always the evening involved great conversations and undoubtedly, at least some portion of these conversations were captured on the RCA Cams throughout the room.” -Pamela Packard, Board Director, Strategic-Enterprises
“Mine was a very lively and interesting table, and saw many friends and met new friends as well.” -Alice Young, Kaye Scholer LLP
“Last night's program was spectacular. The best I have attended yet. Everyone I spoke with thoroughly enjoyed the evening. Thanks for including me.” -Martha Goss, Board Director, Ocwen Fin’l Corp and American Water Works
On Tuesday night I attended one of the most thought provoking events I’ve been to in a long while. The 360 Summit, hosted at the New York Stock Exchange, was filled with an interesting and diverse crowd. More importantly, the conference organizers clearly understood their audience, and developed a unique format that worked very well. Instead of the usual parade of presentations, the evening organized around a series of "What If" questions posed by business leaders, and then discussion by the audience. Some were pre-taped and included a talking bear, courtesy of Maxine Clark, CEO of Build-A-Bear. Others were live and included the provocative, "What if businesses docked the pay of the obese?" The questions fueled lively and intriguing conversations about solutions to actual problems, and had fare more depth of interaction and quality of debate than the typical business conference.
It’s no surprise that the evening's orchestrator and MC was Susan Willett Bird, author of "The ABC's of Authentic Conversation". From the guru of authentic conversation came an event that delivered on the same.
The notion of authentic conversation is the backbone of my own business, SheSpeaks. We have grown our community membership based on consumers’ desire to have a real conversation and provide feedback to brands. Why do consumers want to do this (for no pay, I might add)? After running countless communities for brands, I have come to conclusion that consumers – people- are genuinely interested in being part of the solution. They want to help. If that means that they spend a couple of hours of their time evaluating products and services and providing their feedback, free of charge, then they are willing to do so. In fact, they clamor for it. Our most demanding members are those who have had the opportunity participate and have seen their feedback in action.
So, here is my what if. What if, we could create a stage on which people could tap into their desire to have a say and direct this at galvanizing resources to help those in need or raising charitable funds? That would be a pretty powerful stage. Don’t you think? Would anyone join me in this effort?
If so, perhaps by next year’s event, we could not only raise the questions but also show some proof of our collective power to solve.
I'm told one of the great things about the annual 360 Summit is that each table can take the topic at hand and wrestle with it in any way it wishes. In fact, we suggest that if they don't like the topic at hand, they can choose from one of the other "What if's...?" we place on the table for inspiration.
The whole point of the dinner is to jump-start conversation about important topics, with the incentive to meet again after the dinner with someone you found especially interesting, to continue the conversation. People take this to heart, so much so that we've been given reports of friendships, even business deals that have grown from seeds planted at the 360 Summit dinner.
We purposely don't intend the conversations to be exhaustive on a topic. In fact, we cut off each topical conversation--on purpose--just when it seems to be getting good. Point is to get people to be hungry for more and motivated to keep that conversation alive by contacting others in the following days and weeks after the 360 Summit.
We've now heard from people at every table at the 360 Summit. All but one were apparently over-the-top successes. One group in fact has made plans to meet again--all 10 of them--to continue a conversation they started about the possibility of moving the UN from its permanent headquarters in New York City. Their concept--dreamed up at the table--is to consider changing the location of the UN headquarters every 10 years, so that it travels from one major city and country to another. They compare it to the Olympics, which changes venues every four years. Lots of value, this group says, in at least considering the benefits. Here is what Kathryn Swintek (one of those at the table) wrote to me:
Dear Susan:
"... congratulations on another successful event.
...The best idea from my table was to move the UN to Jerusalem. Many of us liked that idea a lot. The ambassadors and administrators would be closer to the big problem of the day, and hopefully Jerusalem would be not quite as much of a "playground" assignment as New York. They'd have to really want to work on matters of import and advance the mission of this august institution.
Here's my idea to take it further.
Rotate the location of the UN, just like we change the Olympics every 4 years. But in the case of the UN, every 10 years maybe? Or 7? Rotation would speak to the fact that trouble spots in the world should change if institutions like the UN are effective, would put some pressure on to meet a deadline, and finally, maybe keep the administrative structure light. Would also give opportunities to many different supporting companies, helping to build the economies around the world (even if in a smallish way), and to keep things fresh and new."
Kathryn's note is one of many, exemplifying the kind of thinking that takes place around the table at the 360 Summit. As we tell guests, they should consider that the people sitting at their table are their guests...and consider engaging them as they would if they had invited those people to their own dinner party. Most take this seriously and it's great to see the engagement take place quickly.
Author of I is for Intercourse: The ABC's of Conversation, Susan Bird is the visionary behind Wf360, and a sought-after speaker around the world for her views on leadership, the strategic importance of conversation, entrepreneurship, and the role of women business leaders.
Susan's provocative addresses are geared toward helping people and organizations use conversation strategically to achieve no less than the transformation of their businesses, their careers, and the world. Learn more about Susan
Look Who's Talking
"It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much." - Yogi Berra
Author of I is for Intercourse: The ABC's of Conversation, Susan Bird is the visionary behind Wf360, and a sought-after speaker around the world for her views on leadership, the strategic importance of conversation, entrepreneurship, and the role of women business leaders.
