Replacing "But" With "And"

There is magic in the word "and" and if you have not discovered its power over the word "but" here's a simple tip to help you on the road to becoming a conversational diva or a discussion dynamo:

When it seems natural to use the word "but," try saying "and" instead, and see what it does to your statement--and the way it is received.  "But" usually turns the words that follow it into a negative; "and" turns them into a positive.  For example, when you ask the ticket agent whether there are any flights available over the weekend, when she replies "yes, we have seats, but only three are left on the Cleveland flight at noon" it comes off as a negative.  If, on the other hand, she replies "yes, we have seats and there are three left on the Cleveland flight at noon," it somehow sounds like it's your lucky day.

 

Or if you're asked whether you've finished that report, if you say "I've been working on it, but only have 3 pages complete" it sounds like you've been a slacker.  Much different from "I've been workin on it, and I have 3 pages complete..." (this latter approach makes me eager to see the finished report).

There are many times during the day when you can engage others in a positive way by substituing "and" for the "but" that turns things into a downer.

 

Try it.  And here are two ways for me to finish my thought: 

Try it, but be prepared for others to see you in a new way.  (Sounds negative, right?)

Try it, and be prepared for others to see you in a new way.  (Sounds positive, no?)