Let's Talk About Bullying

If there were ever a subject that needs to be talked about, that needs serious discussion, that should be the subject of school-wide conversation, it's bullying.

Like other topics in which shame plays a major role, our human tendency is to discuss it reluctantly, to whisper about it, to tell others about it in secret.  The victim is often full of shame for being the victim (just as is reported in connection with rape).  That's the wrong approach.  The Internet has facilitated the tormenting of vulnerable students by bullies, giving them an opportunity to continue their harassment after school hours, with a wide--truly global--audience.  And they get to do their web work anonymously.

How to stop this?  Get the topic out in the light.  Make it the subject of school-wide conversation.  And have it be true conversation in which an exchange takes place and an innovative, creative new approach is developed by all those participating.  Bullying should not be the topic of a lecture; it should not be the kind of thing that we try to prevent by handing out brochures to students.  It's best if we engage the students themselves--everyone in the school--and invite a serious brainstorming of possible solutions. 

Even if the students' ideas are not realistic or actionable, they will fuel the conversation to find the solutions that can be executed and for which they will take responsibility.  It could even be the subject of a contest: who can create the best poster about bullying?  Who can compose the best song about it?  Who can write the best story? 

And all kids need to learn they must report bullying to those who can do something about it.  Here's where the adults' responsibility is paramount: if bullying is reported, action must be taken.  The surest way to have bullying go underground and remain a secret is to ignore reports when they are made.  Worse, it will discourage future reporting because the reporting student will fear others will know they said something...and yet nothing was done.  Here's a good reason to wage a campaign like that of the New York Metro which promotes to all citizens the importance of reporting questionable incidents, packages, and people to authorities:  "If you see something, say something." 

It's in the saying something, in getting everyone to speak up, that we can get rid of bullying.

As much as we want to give attention to those who seek a solution, we also want to absolutely shut down the attraction of the bullies themselves.  Those who are known to be bullies should not be popularized.  They seek attention among their classmates.  So rather than gather around in a circle and watch the trainwreck of abuse on a student, kids need to learn the power of speaking up in the defense of whoever is being bullied.  No need to abuse the abuser; it's best when kids learn the most powerful thing they can do is to talk up the bullied student.  "Jake's a great kid...what's your problem?"  "Have you seen Sally's artwork?  She is awesome!"  "Funny, I think George is a good guy...he helped me out last week."  Such statements are powerful because they seed doubt about the bully's portrayal of the bullied kid as a loser.  Once it is seen that even one person thinks otherwise, the bully's power is diminished. Indeed, the bully can be seen as the loser.

Let's teach our kids the power of conversation in stopping the spread of bullying.  Get your kids to talk about what's going on in their school.  You may be surprised.  And listen to the solutions they propose.  Among them could be the winning campaign that could make all the difference in the lives of bullied kids.